Dads! Can’t be born without them, can’t understand why they watch the TV standing up. Or remember whether their favorite show is Reacher, Tracker, Bosch, or some other mononymous show about a cop who solves crimes in their spare time. But maybe you and you’re dad aren’t close. We’re not gonna pry, but if you need a new pop culture papa, there are plenty of options. Folks online have been offering us a fine crop of fathers from movies and TV shows, and we’ve rounded them up for your perusal. So pull a Mamma Mia and pick! Your! New! Dad!
Homer Simpson
From: The Simpsons
Pros: You can win any game of “two truths and a lie” with your dad once having been an astronaut. Or barbershop quartet heartthrob. Or the inventor of grunge. Or inventor of Ron Howard’s favorite drink, The Lawnmower.
Cons: Girl, the strangling. Don’t believe the fake news, it’s still going on.
Uncle Phil
From: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Pros: He will be there to pick up the pieces when your bio dad blows through your life like a tornado.
Cons: The Dreaded Carlton
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Lydia Tár
From: Tár
Pros: If you’re a gamer, she knows the people behind Monster Hunter.
Cons: Besides the discourse, she may ádd some ǎccènts to yoür nåme.
Henry Spencer
From: Eraserhead
Pros: Look at the hair you’re going to inherit.
Cons: He is ill-equipped to care for another living being. Also, I think there’s something going on between him and the girl across the hall?
Logan Roy
From: Succession
Pros: Money, I guess?
Cons: Literally everything else.
Rupert Giles
From: The twisted mind of Charlotte Wells
Pros: This is a dad who will give you the world even as they crumble. No, especially as they crumble.
Cons: the rug budget is out of bounds
Jimmy Pesto
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From: Bob’s Burgers
Pros: Jimmy Pesto is a notoriously shitty father, but at least you’ve got some parentified brothers around. Plus an actual good father across the street to pick up the slack.
Cons: Not a con anymore, since the Trump pardon!
