Awards shows are always trying to figure out how to cut winners’ speeches short. The Oscars has tried to just play people off, which doesn’t work when you have someone as determined as Adrien Brody onstage. Last year, the Emmys tried to have a laugh about it and had host Anthony Anderson’s mom actually cutting off people who went over their allotted time. This year, the Television Academy has opted for a convoluted timer that puts a sizable donation to the Boys & Girls Club of America at risk. None of this ever works, and the awards show should just let people talk.
As host Nate Bargatze explained at the beginning of the ceremony, he pledged a $100,000 donation to the Boys & Girls Club of America. Every winner would get 45 seconds to give their speech and for every second they went over, $1,000 would be removed from the pot. For every second they went under, another $1,000 would be added. As a means to enforce this, as soon as a speech hit 45 seconds a ticker appeared onscreen that let them know how much money the poor children were losing because of their arrogance and greed.
The thing is, this doesn’t work. It’s not particularly funny and gives a bunch of people who are already nervous another thing to be freaking out about. This year in particular has seen a slew of well-deserved first-time wins from truly deserving actors. Hannah Einbinder, Tramell Tillman, Katherine LaNasa, Britt Lower, Owen Cooper, Noah Wyle, Cristin Milioti, and Jeff Hiller all won tonight, and it might have been nice to hear what they had to say. (Milioti went over and had the best speech of the night.) In the case of LaNasa and Hiller, these are people who have been grinding it out in bit parts on TV for literal decades. I think they’ve earned 90 seconds. In fact, if it’s your first time winning, I think you should get two uninterrupted minutes. Why not!
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The mistake awards-show producers make is in thinking that I care if this ends on time. I’m here to watch famous people talk, and it’s significantly more fun when they aren’t rushing to make sure they aren’t the reason some kids aren’t getting a new basketball court.
It’s not like this bit added anything to Bargatze’s hosting performance. Instead of crafting unique interstitial bits to keep the energy up throughout the night, all we got were updates from Bargatze about how much money the winners are wasting or earning.
All in all, it didn’t even matter. The tally dipped below zero by the end of the show, and Bargatze announced that CBS would be donating $100,000 and he would personally donate $250,000. Why add the stakes if you aren’t even going to follow through? Congrats to the Boys & Girls Club, though.
I hate a long and rambling speech as much as anyone, but this is not the answer. I think the only real solution is to have a producer with impeccable discernment stand offstage with an air horn. If someone is cooking, they can keep going. If things get boring and long, they get air-horned. Is that too hard?
