Contents
- 1 Charli xcx performing “Believe”
- 2 Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again medley
- 3 Chappell Roan singing “If I Could Turn Back Time”
- 4 Stephanie J. Block reading the entirety of Cher’s memoir onstage
- 5 Kelly Clarkson belting “DJ Play a Christmas Song”
- 6 Lady Gaga performing all the parts in West Side Story
- 7 Sabrina Carpenter singing “I’ve Got You Babe” dressed as Sonny Bono
- 8 “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” performed by “Bang Bang” singers Ariana Grande and Jessie J.
- 9 Christina Aguilera performing “Welcome to Burlesque”
Do you believe in lifetime-achievement awards after love? The Grammys apparently do not, and insisted on awkwardly shoehorning Cher’s award into her presentation (or at least attempted presentation) of Record of the Year. In fairness, this year’s lifetime-achievement awards — honoring not only Cher but also Santana, Chaka Khan, Fela Kuti, Paul Simon, and Whitney Houston — were given out at the Recording Academy’s Special Merit Awards the previous night, but Cher didn’t go to that! She’s Cher! Instead, she made her first Grammys appearance in 18 years to kill two birds with one stone (no, not Sabrina’s) and be recognized for the honor while also presenting one of the biggest categories of the night.
The result was a clunky moment in which Cher was brought out to present the award for Record of the Year before Trevor Noah interrupted her to hand over her lifetime-achievement award. Whether or not the Grammys intended for her to make a speech was unclear, but she did nonetheless, and rightfully so! “Thank you, I guess I’m supposed to walk off now. All right,” she drifted, before being intercepted and asked to return to center stage to present, which went just as well when she seemingly announced that Luther Vandross had won. But let’s be perfectly clear, none of this was Cher’s fault. In fact, she benevolently gifted the Grammys with one of their best moments of the night. But this is what happens when they try to half-ass a Cher award instead of doing what they should have done: a full-blown musical tribute to the legend. Just think of what we missed out on!
Charli xcx performing “Believe”
What better artist to celebrate Cher’s achievement in Auto-Tune and long black hair than Charli xcx? “Believe” is often credited as being the first hit song to use the software as a deliberate vocal effect in 1998, and that stylistic choice’s impact has continued to reverberate. Long story short: Cher is brat.
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again medley
As we all know, Cher was so taken by filming Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again that she decided that she’s ABBA now. After releasing her ABBA cover album Dancing Queen in 2018, the music has certainly earned a spot in her tribute. Just picture it: A helicopter lands onstage. Yes, a real helicopter. Don’t worry about the logistics — that’s not for me to figure out. A high-heeled shoe steps out. Then another. Then another. Meryl. Christine. Julie. Amanda. The entire cast of Mamma Mia!? You weren’t invited! “That’s the best kind of party, little girl,” they all say in unison. They perform “Fernando” into “Super Trouper” into “Waterloo.” It’s so incredible that the Oscar voters change their minds and nominate Amanda Seyfried for The Testament of Ann Lee after all.
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Chappell Roan singing “If I Could Turn Back Time”
Having Chappell at the Grammys without getting a performance feels like a missed opportunity, and just think about how good she’d sound singing literally any Cher song. Plus, the music video for “The Subway” proved she loves a long wig, and you know we could count on her to bring out Chad Michaels. Better yet, they could invite a paparazzo onto the stage for her to do the Moonstruck slap to and yell, “Snap out of it!”
Stephanie J. Block reading the entirety of Cher’s memoir onstage
In one of the most inspired audiobook castings in recent memory, rather than sitting down to record her own two-part memoir aloud, Cher hired Stephanie J. Block to do it for her. No stranger to being a professional Cher, Block won the Tony Award in 2019 for playing the singer in The Cher Show. Sure, she could knock any Cher song out of the park eight shows a week, but if the Grammys are running long anyway why not just go ahead and read the whole book?
Kelly Clarkson belting “DJ Play a Christmas Song”
If they were able to perform “All I Want for Christmas Is You” at that cursed Mariah Carey MusiCares tribute last week, the Grammys shouldn’t let the time of year stop them from honoring Cher’s Christmas song. And who better to perform it than holiday and cover song royalty, Kelly Clarkson, who was so obsessed with the song that Cher brought her on to do the remix with her. I wanna be dancing!
Lady Gaga performing all the parts in West Side Story
You know Gaga has just been itching for a reason to break out that Jo Calderone wig again, and recreating Cher’s iconic performance of West Side Story is the perfect excuse. “Ladies and gentlemen, for tonight’s entertainment I’m proud to present West Side Story. I will be playing all the parts. Thank you,” Cher famously said in her 1978 special. And if Gaga was too busy changing into her Mayhem costume, they certainly could have booked Trisha Paytas.
Sabrina Carpenter singing “I’ve Got You Babe” dressed as Sonny Bono
If sitcom Halloween episodes have taught us anything, it’s that the song “I’ve Got You Babe” is about Sonny being short and Cher being tall. So who better than the famously short-and-sweet Sabrina Carpenter to don a mustache and perform their big breakthrough? She just needs someone tall to sing it with, and Taylor Swift does have a song called “Babe” …
“Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” performed by “Bang Bang” singers Ariana Grande and Jessie J.
Not Nicki.
Christina Aguilera performing “Welcome to Burlesque”
How can you do a Cher tribute without any mention of “Wagon Wheel Watusi”? Call up Christina — she’s not busy.
