There are a few things I’d expect from an “Ask Me Anything” with Gwyneth Paltrow. Her favorite way to consume raw milk, for example, or maybe her yoni-egg cleaning routine. But during Tuesday’s episode of the Goop podcast, an off-camera producer asked Paltrow what her husband’s favorite thing about her was. She texted him to get the answer, and then read aloud his response in all of its long-winded glory. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
“I honestly don’t have a favorite. I truly love every aspect of you,” Paltrow’s husband wrote. “Your physical beauty. The way your body moves through space. The way you disappear a little when you’re working. The way your hands add something to a pan. Your love of dirty jokes and well-plastered walls. How much you know about art. That you feel so comfortable naked and hate fake people. When you’re needy. When you’re angry on the road. I love when you chug water by the bedside at night. I like the things you choose to worry about and how you handle problems. I love your morning routine and when you act like I’ve been demanding you to get out of the bath when I haven’t said a word about it. I love the skin on the back of your knees and the arch of your feet and when you smile at me in bed after you’ve put in your retainers. I love how hard you try and how often you succeed.” He finished the declaration off with, “I can keep going if you like.” Whew!
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“Okay, I’m crying a little,” Paltrow said in response after reciting that behemoth of a text message. While a number of commenters thought Paltrow’s husband Brad was Brad Pitt, another group of them couldn’t get over Falchuk’s “poetry.” “My heart just grew listening to this. So beautiful,” someone wrote, while another said, “Immediately changing my love language from Acts of Service to this.”
One brave soul warned the Goopies that this behavior isn’t the norm. “Before everyone freaks out on their spouse, please remember this man is a WRITER,” they wrote. “Yes, this is all lovely. But if your partner does not have this eloquence, doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”
I mean, this commenter is right — let’s not forget that Falchuk was a writer on the cult-classic sing-a-long series, Glee. I knew Mr. Scheuster’s earnest quotes had to come from somewhere.
