Tracee Ellis Ross Dates Younger Men for Their ‘Openness’

Lately, there’s been a pop-culture boom of women dating younger men (see: The Idea of You, or Nicole Kidman’s recent body of work). It’s not just fictional — Cher, who’s currently dating a music producer 39 years younger than her, recently said she doesn’t date men her age because they’re either “dead” or “terrified to approach” her. You know who else agrees? Tracee Ellis Ross.

In a new episode of Michelle Obama’s podcast, IMO, which the former First Lady co-hosts with her brother Craig Robinson, Ross shared that she prefers dating “younger men.” While speaking about being one of the first generations of women to grow up with Roe v. Wade, Ross shared that she’s always felt comfortable making her own decisions but “was coming up against the cultural norms of being a choiceful woman. Often, I date younger men,” she explained, a revelation Michelle paused to applaud with “several snaps.”

Ross went on: “It’s not just that I’m older; I’m also very embodied. I am a full, very whole person — who knows myself, who is in charge of my life, and who lives a very full, robust life.” Besides the obvious explanation that younger men are “hot and gorgeous,” she added, “A lot of men my age are steeped in a toxic masculinity and have been raised in a culture where there is a particular way that a relationship looks. And anything that starts to smell of that, for me? I did enough of it, where I was controlled and felt like I was a possession or prize. I have no interest in it. And I will not do it again.”

Ross clarified that not all middle-aged men behave this way, but she has repeatedly run into problems dating in her own age range. “There is an openness that occurs with a younger man, whether it’s gender fluidity or not even having an issue with homosexuality, I mean, something basic as that,” she said. “I have long been past the age where I feel like it’s my job to teach somebody or grow them up.”

Ross has kept her dating life largely private over the years; her last public relationship was with music manager Abou “Bu” Thiam, who’s nine years younger than her. Three years after their 2013 breakup, Thiam told The Breakfast Club that their breakup was mostly due to their busy careers. “If I can’t give her all of me, I don’t want to waste her time or put her in that space,” he said.

Ross is certainly not alone in her preference to date younger and said that she’s found a dating philosophy that feels “safe” for her. But ultimately, she’s not rushing to get into a relationship with anyone. “As much as grief does surface for me around not having children and not having a partner, I still wouldn’t want the wrong partner — at all,” she said. “I’m not interested in that. You have to make my life better.” Amen to that!