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Every writer knows this feeling. Sitting in your Gramercy Park brownstone (cost: roughly $5 million) in your Simone Rocha spring 2024 dress (cost: about $1,200) writing a postcard to your situationship of 25 years (cost: lifelong suffering).
The buffoonery has once again begun. We’re back in And Just Like That … territory just in time for the women to terrorize me for the summer. Yippee! Before embarking on the long, arduous journey that is sure to be the third season, I tried, deeply and wholeheartedly, to remember any sort of plot point from the episodes of AJLT that have come before and … nada. I’m drawing a blank. I’m seeing random characters’ faces floating around like I’m waking up from a Klonopin haze — Harry’s bald head; Charlotte’s assertive, Waspy side part; Lisa Todd Wexley’s bayayangs — and nary a coherent story line is coming to mind, apart from Miranda getting loudly finger-banged by Che Diaz (RIP to that relationship), but I think that’s just a trauma flashback. Now, with Sex and the City, if I so much as see the Jimmy Choo heels or Vivienne Westwood skirt Carrie’s wearing, I can recall the exact story line, season, and sometimes episode the outfit is from. Can’t say the same for the reboot. Just something to chew on.
Anyway, moving on to what I know you’re here for, and what I’m personally hate watching for: the fashion! Once again, we’ll be doing weekly outfit recaps for our girls. Based off the paparazzi photos from production, I know we’re in for a doozy.
Carrie
We’ve already covered the pricey, almost-off-the-runway Simone Rocha dress. What we did not cover is Carrie going to bed in a black bra. No one sleeps in a bra, I’m sorry. You’re going to wake up with digging and chafing and the cups somehow ending up on your back. I guess we at least have to be thankful she had some sexy negligee to wear while having phone sex with Aidan (a.k.a. sitting and quietly listening to him bust one out from his truck in a field).
And, of course, we need to discuss that hat. The infamous Maryam Kehani mushroom-cap hat that set the internet ablaze. It’s lovely to see you, old friend. I’m sorry they styled you so poorly. I know you’re a star. I just know it.
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Seema
More lingerie for bed?! Seema falling asleep in heels is ground zero for nerve damage. One time, in Amsterdam, I fell asleep in my heeled booties after a very hands-on tour of the Heineken factory and an outing with the tour guides (they’re running an Elite Model Management agency in there, I swear to God). I woke up the next morning with minimal feeling in my toes that lasted for days. This would all bode extremely worrisome for Seema, considering she’s a New Yorker and all, but I recall she has a driver and doesn’t need to walk anywhere like the rest of us plebes. Perhaps I should’ve been more worried about her smoking in bed, but I actually find that quite chic. I do, however, need Seema to tell Ravi to quit it with the ascots, whether he’s her lover or not. It’s giving everyone the ick.
Charlotte (and family)
When I saw that Shein box in Rock’s hands, I was aghast. Putting fast-fashion paraphernalia in the hands of a nonbinary New York City teen is practically a hate crime. I was, as you can imagine, relieved to see Lilly’s cropped dress shirt and perfectly curled hair stroll in and claim it as hers. “Maybe don’t order so much fast fashion, you’re killing the environment.” You tell her, Rock!
Lisa Todd Wexley
What in the repurposed dinner-table centerpiece/corkboard turned necklace did they put my girl LTW in for her PBS presentation?! What’s worse is that she kept it on to prepare dinner. Lisa, I know damn well you can’t see the cutting board over those baubles. Safety hazard!
Miranda
I have no idea what Miranda wore this episode, apart from a lot of blues and greens, because I was too focused on the fact that she fucked a nun.
Win of the week
That lady with the wimpy dog has a fabulous puppy-shaped bag.
Jump-scare of the week
Rosie O’Donnell. Hello?! The way she was eyeing Miranda in the bar like O.O just, really to my core, frightened me. I started feeling even worse when, in the wee morning hours, Miss O’Donnell tells Miranda she is a virgin and a nun and a tourist, one who wears Wicked merch in the middle of Times Square. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
