When Real Housewives pack up their monogrammed suitcases and jet off on a girls’ trip, their interpersonal baggage usually tags along. (Remember in Bermuda, where Salt Lake City Housewife Heather Gay yelled “Receipts! Proof! Timeline! Screenshots!” at gossip account co-conspirator Monica Garcia? Or when The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills hit up Amsterdam and Kim Richards found herself dodging shards of Lisa Rinna’s wineglass?) But Bravo’s latest ’wives spinoff, Love Hotel, is a break from the tradition of women screaming across a dinner table. In the sun-kissed surroundings of a luxurious Mexican resort, Luann de Lesseps, Gizelle Bryant, Ashley Darby, and Shannon Beador are way too busy looking for a man to beef with one another.
Over the years on Housewives, we’ve seen no shortage of chaotic, bizarre, concerning, and occasionally healthy relationships, but Love Hotel is the franchise’s first foray into dating-show territory. (The series airs Sundays on Bravo and streams next day on Peacock.) And it’s too early to tell whether any of Bravo’s carefully selected bachelors are Mr. Right, but the women seemed to have found something that can be rare in the Bravosphere: sisterhood.
On Love Hotel, they bonded over the unusual experience of reality-TV stardom and its impact on their romantic lives — from doomed vow renewals and public divorces to hooking up with pirates in the Caribbean and being sued by shady exes. But is there anything that we, the fans, can learn from the trials and tribulations of dating as a Real Housewife?
In a series of calls, the women of Love Hotel answered the dating questions that really matter: Where is the best place to meet a man that’s not a bar? How do you let a man know it’s time to … head upstairs? (And how do you get him to leave the next morning?) Is it possible to avoid a “rebound guy” after a breakup? And what’s more important: A big D or a big bank account? It turns out that the Real Housewives give the realest dating advice.
On Love Hotel, it seems like it’s a struggle finding a guy who is fun and emotionally intelligent. Is that an issue in the real world, too?
Ashley: Those guys are the holy grail. And I think they’ve usually been snapped up because they’re such a hot commodity! I am open to dating such a wide range in terms of age, so the younger guys tend to be more fun. But then the older, more mature men, they’re more established and they know who they are. And, unfortunately, what is sacrificed is that sort of light, jovial side that I get with the younger guys. I do think that men in their 40s, if they’re not fully happy with where they are in life, it’s almost impossible for them to date, because they’re losing that lightness that they had in their 30s as they’re approaching that more stable side that comes with the 50s. Your 40s are a pivotal time.
All of the women on Love Hotel have been divorced. Do you have any advice for putting yourself back out there after a separation?
Gizelle: I immediately started dating and got back out there, because it’s like riding a bike — it takes a minute to get your confidence back. Dating is about being confident, knowing who you are and sticking with your values. So you’ve got to trust that you’ll get your mojo back eventually.
And is it possible to avoid a “rebound guy”?
Gizelle: It’s not! You have to go through the rebound and try to enjoy it, because it’s a part of it.
How do you let a man know you’re interested without seeming too interested?
Luann: If you’re out with the girls and there’s a guy at the bar, but he’s too shy, that’s when we utilize our waiters. You say: “Hey, I’ve got a little note I’d like to send to the gentleman over at the bar,” which is: “Join us for a cocktail.” Women have to invite men into their lives. Women have to give permission, like the queen of England — you don’t go up to the queen and extend your hand, she extends her hand to you.
What are two things that are in your handbag on a first date?
Luann: Breath spray and Chanel No. 5.
In “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” Countess Luann lists some dating faux pas — texting on a date, making a lady wait, and forgetting to hold the door. What are some things you’d add to the list?
Shannon: Definitely looking at another woman when they walk by. Or talking about themselves the entire night. I want to be a priority in the relationship, because I don’t know that I’ve really ever felt that before, so if they’re not completely into you and paying attention to you on the first date, then it’s not going to work.
Gizelle: If they’re just talking too much, then I’m bored. Mentally, I’m thinking: How fast can I get to my Uber and get out of here?!
And have you ever texted on a date or made a man wait?
Gizelle: Oh, 100 percent. All of the above! But I’m allowed.
Is a guy asking to split the bill always a red flag?
Luann: Definitely, especially on a first date. If the guy doesn’t have any money, I’m not a bitch about it. I feel for them. But on the first date, you get that cash together for sure.
Ashley: Absolutely. It’s one thing if I offer — which I do sometimes. Not on the first date, not even the second date, maybe by the third date, if I feel inclined. And if you don’t put up a little resistance? That’s also a problem.
How do you feel when a man brings up his ex on a date?
Shannon: When people describe what went wrong in their relationship or why they’re not together anymore, it gives you more insight as to who that person is. But if it becomes the topic every single time we’re together, then that would be a red flag.
Luann: There’s no talking about old baggage. We don’t carry around our old baggage. We start anew.
Ashley: I feel like it’s more suspicious if they don’t talk about it, because it’s the elephant in the room. I have no problem with someone bringing up their past relationship, but the issue arises when it sounds like they aren’t over it or want that old thing back, right?
How do you tell a girlfriend to dump a guy without ruining the friendship?
Ashley: I don’t beat around the bush with these things. If I feel like you should break up with someone, then clearly there’s something wrong, so I’m not going to sugarcoat it. And if it does affect our friendship, then did we really have a friendship to begin with?
Luann, your last cabaret tour was called “Marry, F, Kill,” so let’s play a game. Marry, fuck, kill: Harry Dubin, Slade Smiley, Tom Sandoval.
Luann: Oh, I’m going to fuck Tom Sandoval because he needs a fuck! I’m going to kill Slade, and I’ll marry Harry Dubin, because he just came into some money.
Shannon, you’re known for being an amazing cook. What’s your favorite meal to cook for a man?
Shannon: Oh, I have a rib recipe. A slow-cooked baby-back rib. They fall off the bone. That’s probably my best “guy” meal. They tend to love it.
Is there a Housewives “tagline” that sums up your dating life?
Ashley: “I want a partner who is a feast for my eyes — and food for my soul.”
Shannon: “Who says love has an expiration date? I’m just getting started … again.”
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Luann: “I don’t care about time, I care about a good time!”
Gizelle: “Love is a luxury. Not everyone can afford to keep up with it — or me.”
Where is the best place to meet a man that’s not a bar?
Luann: Go to the supermarket. You can hang out by the oranges and the apples. That’s a great way to meet a guy. Squeeze the fruit and ask him: “Do you think this orange is ripe enough? Or this peach?”
Is it an “ick” when a man knows you from the show?
Gizelle: I assume that they know who I am. But if he starts to tell me things that I’ve said on season four or if he’s quoting moments back to me? That’s a huge red flag.
Ashley: It’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, it’s kind of nice if someone sort of has an idea of who I am, because then I can skip some of the small talk. On the other hand, if you’re a straight man who’s really into Housewives, I’m going to be looking at you a little sideways. It’s just not typical. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s mostly for my girls, gays, and theys!
How do you spot a guy who’s more into the show than you?
Luann: I don’t do well with fangirls — or fanboys. I can tell from a mile away. That guy that Kelly [Bensimon] almost married. Thank God she didn’t marry Scott. Let’s throw Scott under the bus. We came back from the Ultimate Girls Trip, and he was waiting at the airport, and he was just fangirling out. It was so weird to me. His girlfriend was Kelly, but he was giving me all these compliments. It was uncomfortable. So I don’t like the fangirls who clearly want to be on the show.
Ashley: Usually, those people don’t hide it very well. The façade fades very quickly. [With John Janssen] I fear that Shannon was just a little … dickmatized? I think she was.
Shannon: Well, my last boyfriend said: “I don’t want to be in the public, I am a private person,” to the point where I felt guilty that he was on the show. And, hello, he wanted to be famous! So you never know what someone’s intentions are.
And what about the opposite? Has a man been put off by potentially being in the spotlight?
Luann: A real man doesn’t care about that, darling.
Do you have an upper and lower age limit?
Luann: My upper limit is probably about 65. I always say I would never go out with a 20-year-old, because my son is 28. But [Southern Hospitality’s] Joe Bradley, I’ve got to tell you, he was so charming and he had such good manners. I never thought I’d be attracted to a 28-year-old, but that guy I was attracted to.
Ashley: The limit does not exist! No, I find maybe 30 is my cutoff for the youngest. And then the oldest, it’s more about the physicality of it. As long as you can keep up with me — in more ways than one — then we can talk.
Shannon: So, when I agreed to do the show, they said: “What’s your age range?” And I think I said 55 to 65. But I prefer to date someone who is a little bit older than I am. I don’t want to have the pressure of a man being younger than me.
And what about if we factor in millions of dollars?
Luann: A 66-year-old billionaire? I’m not going to say no to that.
Shannon: You know what? It wouldn’t change. If you look at my first marriage, my husband was incredibly wealthy, but I wasn’t happy. But you never know; there may be a rich younger man out there who has a thing for old ladies!
How do you let a man know it’s time to … go back to your place?
Luann: That’s when I grab him by the hand and lead the way.
Ashley: If I’m really vibing with somebody, I start rubbing their back, or I may even do something with their hair. I do little things that show I’m feeling you, and then if I really want you, I’ll probably put my hand on your knee.
And how do you get him to leave the next morning?
Gizelle: Oh, that’s one of my rules. I don’t like people in my house, so I like to go to his place. That way I’m in control and I can choose when to get out of there.
Luann: Lead with a compliment: “What a great time we had last night. I can’t wait to see you again. But I gotta go, so that means … you gotta go.”
What’s your go-to excuse to leave a bad date early?
Gizelle: I usually say: “Well … I’ve got a busy day tomorrow.” And he’s like: “Gizelle, it’s noon, it’s lunchtime.” And I’m like: “I know!”
Have you heard of “love languages”? What’s yours?
Shannon: I’m very well versed in them. My No. 1, for sure, is “words of affirmation,” because I like to hear that I’m special, or I like to hear that someone is thinking about me. I might have chosen “quality time together” in the past, but today, especially after spending the past year on my own, I’m okay by myself. Sometimes, I wake up on the weekend and think: I can sleep whenever I want. I don’t have to worry about if he wants to get up or what he wants to do today. It’s nice to be on my own.
What’s more important, a Big D or a big bank account?
Luann: Oh, the bank account.
Ashley: The big D has to be a given! I won’t even entertain you without it.
What if there’s amazing chemistry in the streets, but not in the sheets. Is there any way of getting past it?
Luann: At this age, if it’s just not there, it’s not there. It’s difficult to change a man who is about 50 if he doesn’t know what to do with it by that point. It’s like teaching someone to ski at 50. It’s much harder!
Gizelle, you’ve tended to be more guarded about your relationships. Besides the check, what motivated you to do a dating show?
Gizelle: I actually tried to get out of it all the way until I got on the plane. I was like: “I don’t want to do this!” But I am at a place in my life where my kids are gone and there was no better time to do it than now.
Did you learn anything about dating from your Love Hotel co-stars?
Gizelle: No! Not at all.
Ashley: I’m in love with Luann. She was my guru because she is so “grab life by the balls and do what you want with it.” Her mantra is: Maintain a little bit of mystery, but also make your intentions known. She thinks women should be more assertive. And if a man can’t handle that, then he’s not the man for you, right?
Shannon: As far as Gizelle goes, she’s very direct. She doesn’t have any fear showing how strong of a person [she is]. She had no problem with saying: “How much money do they make? We need to be with people who are at least equal at our financial level.” And with Luann, I wish that I had more of her confidence, because that girl knows that she is it, but she’s humble at the same time. She’s just a kick in the pants. I love her to death.
These interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
