Since the fall, celebrities doing press tours have been showing up to The Jennifer Hudson Show only to be accosted by a dozen hyped-up, headset-wearing producers clapping and cramming their name into a popular song. Per the show’s lingo, this is called a Spirit Tunnel. The practice has been great for The Jennifer Hudson Show’s brand, but it also seems like just another way for celebrities to wind up in an awkward situation. Was the Glambot not enough? Must we also frighten Peter Krause?
No more. Man of the people Noah Wyle made history on Tuesday by bravely saying “no” to the Spirit Tunnel.
The Pitt star told Hudson that he had to turn down the Spirit Tunnel because of past traumas with public dancing. “It would’ve triggered a bigger breakdown than I had on [The Pitt] two weeks ago,” he said. I will not spoil The Pitt, but suffice it to say that would be a huge breakdown. Wyle explained that his dance-related anxiety goes back to 1984 at a bar mitzvah, where he unsuccessfully tried to do the worm.
“I got into some kind of inverted position, and it all collapsed on me — and then I tried to stick it, and I didn’t stick it,” Wyle recounted. “Ever since then, I’ve just opted out of the public dance.” He then explained that dancing down the Spirit Tunnel would have had him sputtering “no” over and over while covering his face with his hands. Instead, Wyle chose to just walk down the hallway without the singing, and the producers clapped for him sans song. He still looked mortified.
I hate to stand up for middle-aged white guys, but this is an important precedent for them and all other anxious, rhythmically challenged stars. Most of them do not have the moves, energy, or knowledge to pull off a successful appearance in the Spirit Tunnel, and that’s not really their fault. So listen up, white TV actors over 50: The next time you make your way to Hudson’s studio, be strong and think of Noah Wyle.
